Dear CF, 4/16/19
We met 10 years ago tomorrow. Almost a decade of being so close but I’d hardly call you a friend. Ten years ago tomorrow, on one of the happiest days of our lives, you leeched on to one of my favorite gifts in the whole world. My niece, my best friend, my dancing shadow, my hero, my Kadyn. You were a mystery at first and let me tell ya, your wikipedia page is far from flattering. But in the past ten years, I’ve learned way more about you than any google search could teach me. I’ve learned how little you care about family, friends, birthdays, holidays, and school. How you have very little regard for anxiety or fears. How you prey on the weak. You bruise, you scar, you invade. You are unwanted and you are abusive. Not to mention, your bedside manner really sucks. For ten whole years, you have tried and tried and tried and tried and tried to break her. I’ve seen the havoc you have reeked on her little body but you never came close to breaking her spirit. Until this year.
I have to hand it to you, you are quite the skilled sniper. You attack fast and dirty. You’ve hit us so quick and unexpectedly so many times that we have learned to be on guard more often than not. Most of her “healthy” days seem too good to be true. We’ve always known your dark cloud is near but that never bothered her. This time though, you crept in slowly. You confused us with her headaches. You gave us more unanswered questions. You. Were. Relentless. And just when we thought you’ve shown all your cards you chose the powerful weapon of depression, debilitating her for months. After ten whole years of knowing you, CF, after we reluctantly accepted you into our family, you spat in our faces. Her sparkle dulled. You blew out our light - you blacked us out. You finally broke her...As much as you can “break” an unbreakable spirit. But her eyes adjusted. Like they always do. She learned how to see in the dark. Your mission failed and she is back, CF. Her sparkle has every color of the rainbow now and her light is brighter than the sun. YOU. CANNOT. BREAK. HER.
Even though you have come into our lives with the full intention to do harm, you have not won.
My Momma always taught me to kill my “enemies” with kindness. And maybe you are just mean because you don’t know love like we do. You aren’t all bad, CF. Even though you want to be. I imagine goodness is poison to you so here are the wonderful things you have brought into our lives for the last ten years.
You have taught us perspective - what is really important in life and what is small potatoes. In the past ten years we have loved harder than you could ever imagine. Time is not wasted. Smiles are not taken for granted and a genuine one is worth a billion dollars. Thank you for helping us determine the difference.
Because of you we have the most wicked, twisted senses of humor - not because any of this is funny, but if we don’t laugh, we would be in tears 90% of the time. Thank you for the laughter.
We have learned to find the smallest rainbow after the largest of storms. Thank you for always showing us the silver lining in every storm cloud and for helping us see how colorful life really is.
Kadyn is probably the REALEST chick I know, she is so innately herself. Her brothers are kind, gentle, caring, and funny. Thank you for shaping their beautifully, independent personalities. The spirit of a child is impenetrable even when we adults feel weary.
And most of all, you have shown us true kindness in people near and far. We have so many friends and strangers fighting this battle with us and we are SO SO SO thankful that you have brought them into our lives. Stories of Kadyn and other CF warriors have reached friends old, new and unmet. We have seen how good, generous and supportive people can really be.
Because of you, CF, we are more faithful, our bonds are stronger, and we live every day to the fullest. We have found our Krew, our Army, and we will not let you win.
Happy Ten Year Anniversary CF. I truly hope you go away soon. Until then, we will keep basking in all the good you have given us and continue to emerge stronger after every storm you send our way.